I was having an epiphany. A moment of supreme clarity, leading to what I dubbed a "realization of solitude"¯ that goes like this: I'm lonely. But when I left that girl in the window I was sure I'd never felt more godforsaken in my life. There's a big difference between being alone and being lonely. And I'm guessing that once you've discovered this distinction you can't go back to solitary confinement without serious emotional repercussions.