W. C. Fields Quotes

W. C. Fields Quotes: If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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W. C. Fields Quote: Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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Quotes about W. C. Fields: We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking. That this happens is a matter of record. But the blame is always placed on whisky. Why this should be I never could understand. You can die from drinking too much of anything - coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that. And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing. I will make mine whisky.
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Quote about W. C. Fields: My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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W. C. Fields Sayings: I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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W. C. Fields Saying: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Sayings about W. C. Fields: Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
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Saying about W. C. Fields: The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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W. C. Fields Quotes: Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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W. C. Fields Quote: No man is the boss of his own house, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Quotes about W. C. Fields: I always made up my own acts; built them out of my knowledge and observation of real life. I'd had wonderful opportunities to study people; and every time I went out on the stage I tried to show the audience some bit of true human nature.
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Quote about W. C. Fields: The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
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W. C. Fields Sayings: The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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W. C. Fields Saying: I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.
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Sayings about W. C. Fields: Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Saying about W. C. Fields: Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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W. C. Fields Quotes: There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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W. C. Fields Quote: Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said,
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