Steven Wright Quotes

Steven Wright Quotes: I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'
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Steven Wright Quote: The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said,
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Quotes about Steven Wright: I used to own an ant farm but had to give it up. I couldn't find tractors small enough to fit it.
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Quote about Steven Wright: People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.
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Steven Wright Sayings: I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there.
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Steven Wright Saying: Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.
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Sayings about Steven Wright: I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me.
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Saying about Steven Wright: I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.
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Steven Wright Quotes: To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is.
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Steven Wright Quote: I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back.
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Quotes about Steven Wright: Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
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Quote about Steven Wright: I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.
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Steven Wright Sayings: Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say,
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Steven Wright Saying: I wish the first word I ever said was the word quote, so right before I die I could say unquote.
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Sayings about Steven Wright: George Carlin's album, 'Class Clown,' came out when I was in high school. I memorized a lot of that album. I'd come home from school, put it on, and listen over and over. I started memorizing it. I don't even know why. I loved it so much I memorized it.
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Saying about Steven Wright: Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
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Steven Wright Quotes: I liked school, but I used to dread those moments when the teacher would call me up to give an oral report. I forced myself to deal with it and not dwell on the class in front of me - to keep a straight face, give the report and concentrate on getting it right. That's normally how I perform. That's how I am.
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Steven Wright Quote: The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.
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