Mitch Hedberg Quotes

Mitch Hedberg Quotes: I read that MTV's Real World got 40,000 applications. That's amazing, such an even number. You would have thought it would be 40,008.
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Mitch Hedberg Quote: I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said,
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Quotes about Mitch Hedberg: There's a guy in the audience with a distinctive laugh. I hope that guy is miked. The only problem with having a distinctive laugh is I know exactly when that guy isn't laughing.
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Quote about Mitch Hedberg: People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say,
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Mitch Hedberg Sayings: I don't have a girlfriend. I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.
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Mitch Hedberg Saying: I saw a lady on TV, she was born without arms. That's sad, but then they said,
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Sayings about Mitch Hedberg: Some comics get drunk before a show. I don't. When I get drunk, I don't want to stand in front of a bunch of people that I don't know. That does not sound comfortable. Why have all these people gathered? And why am I elevated and not facing the same way as everyone else? And what is this electric stick in my hand? I want a chair too!
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Saying about Mitch Hedberg: I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes: I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines. It'd have to be real big.
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Mitch Hedberg Quote: I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'
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Quotes about Mitch Hedberg: Here's a thought for sweat shop owners: Air Conditioning. Problem solved.
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Quote about Mitch Hedberg: I had to take a physical to do this show. They had a lot of weird questions like,
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Mitch Hedberg Sayings: We're gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for
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Mitch Hedberg Saying: I was walking down the street with my friend and he said 'I hear music,' as though there's any other way to take it in. 'You're not special. That's how I receive it too... I tried to taste it, but it did not work.'
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Sayings about Mitch Hedberg: My lucky number is four billion. That doesn't come in real handy when you're gambling.
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Saying about Mitch Hedberg: I heard a guy tell me he liked cherries. I waited to hear if he was going to say
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Mitch Hedberg Quotes: 2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.
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Mitch Hedberg Quote: I have an idea for sweatshops: air conditioning! That's simple. 14 year old boys working twelve hour days?
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