Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

Jerry Seinfeld Quotes: Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
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Jerry Seinfeld Quote: Can't you at least die with a little dignity?
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Quotes about Jerry Seinfeld: Any day you had gym class was a weird school day. It started off normal. You had English, Social Studies, Geometry, then suddenly your in Lord of the Flies for 40 minutes. Your hanging from a rope, you have hardly any clothes on, teachers are yelling at you, kids are throwing dodge balls at you and snapping towels - you're trying to survive. And then it's Science,Language, and History. Now that is a weird day.
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Quote about Jerry Seinfeld: I have a friend who's collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to keep this thing going. He's down there every week, waiting on the lines and getting interviewed and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I'm sure they'd give him a raise.
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Jerry Seinfeld Sayings: With any kind of physical test, I don't know what it is, I always seem to get competitive. Remember when you were in school and they'd do those hearing tests? And you'd really be listening hard, you know? I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. I wanted them to come over to me after and go, 'We think you may have something close to super-hearing. What you heard was a cotton ball touching a piece of felt. We're sending the results to Washington, we'd like you to meet the President.'
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Jerry Seinfeld Saying: The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing.
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Sayings about Jerry Seinfeld: Actually, the only memory I have of being a Cub Scout was trying to get my hat back. That was all I did. Run back and forth at my bus stop going
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Saying about Jerry Seinfeld: I have no plants in my house. They won't live for me. Some of them don't even wait to die, they commit suicide.
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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes: I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go,
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Jerry Seinfeld Quote: I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.
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Quotes about Jerry Seinfeld: I do not know why anyone would host an awards show. No matter how unbelievably well you do at it, the only thing that can happen is you get asked again to host an awards show.
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Quote about Jerry Seinfeld: You know the message you're sending out to the world with these sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.
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Jerry Seinfeld Sayings: We know the product is going to stink. We know that because we live in the world, and we know that everything stinks. We all believe, Hey, maybe this one wont stink. We are a hopeful species. Stupid but hopeful. But were happy in that moment between the commercial and the purchase. And I think spending your life trying to dupe innocent people out of hard-won earnings to buy useless, low-quality, misrepresented items and services is an excellent use of your energy.
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Jerry Seinfeld Saying: I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.
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Sayings about Jerry Seinfeld: Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
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Saying about Jerry Seinfeld: When you interrupt, you've stopped listening. People need to be heard.
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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes: Surveys show that the #1 fear of Americans is public speaking. #2 is death. That means that at a funeral, the average American would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.
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Jerry Seinfeld Quote: There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.'
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