Demetri Martin Quotes

Demetri Martin Quotes: After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.
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Demetri Martin Quote: I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
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Quotes about Demetri Martin: I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.
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Quote about Demetri Martin: There's a saying that goes, 'People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.' OK. How about, 'Nobody should throw stones'? That's crappy behavior. My policy is, 'No stone throwing regardless of housing situation.
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Demetri Martin Sayings: Man versus woman equals fun. Man versus man equals gay. Woman versus woman equals awesome. Man versus pillow equals crazy. Pillow versus pillow equals crazy awesome - that's a real pillow fight right there. You see two pillows fighting, you know something's going down. They're designed for relaxation. If they're fighting, what hope do we have? One time I saw two geese fighting, and I was like, 'This is a pillow fight ahead of time.
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Demetri Martin Saying: But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.
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Sayings about Demetri Martin: You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.
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Saying about Demetri Martin: When there's someone who's dead and then someone does something that that person would not have liked, they say that that person is spinning in their grave. But I don't understand why they say that. Why is spinning the way that a corpse shows disapproval?
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Demetri Martin Quotes: I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'
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Demetri Martin Quote: For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.'
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Quotes about Demetri Martin: When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.
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Quote about Demetri Martin: I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.
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Demetri Martin Sayings: I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.
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Demetri Martin Saying: I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.
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Sayings about Demetri Martin: Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.
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Saying about Demetri Martin: Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.
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Demetri Martin Quotes: Popcorn is one of the only situations in which you eat the result of an explosion.
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Demetri Martin Quote: I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no
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