Amy Schumer Quotes

Amy Schumer Quotes: My mom's always saying really smart things... like, you probably heard this one, 'Why buy the cow when the milk has HPV?' Wish I'd listened to that one.
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Amy Schumer Quote: The moments that make life worth living are when things are at their worst and you find a way to laugh.
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Quotes about Amy Schumer: I was actually on two reality shows, which is crazy. Just to think that, out there, there was some guy, like flipping through the channels, being like, 'Hey, I 69'd her on a cruise ship.
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Quote about Amy Schumer: Now every idiot from high school's like, 'I'm back!' We weren't supposed to meet again. Stop poking me and inviting me to your weird vampire parties. No, I don't want to follow you on Twatter. Like, nobody's interested in you. I don't want to see you in real life, why would I want to follow you in the imaginary one?
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Amy Schumer Sayings: I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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Amy Schumer Saying: I donated blood today. That's what I call getting an AIDS test.
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Sayings about Amy Schumer: I want to quit. Not performing, but being a woman altogether. I want to throw my hands in the air, after reading a mean Twitter comment, and say, 'All right! You got it. You figured me out. I'm not pretty. I'm not thin. I do not deserve to use my voice. I'll start wearing a burqa and start waiting tables at a pancake house. All my self-worth is based on what you can see.' But then I think, F*** that ... I am a woman with thoughts and questions and s*** to say. I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story - I will.
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Saying about Amy Schumer: The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
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Amy Schumer Quotes: Some street jokes are just timeless. There's an old street joke about comedians. The joke is that a beautiful girl comes up to a comedian at the end of the night and says,
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Amy Schumer Quote: I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.
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Quotes about Amy Schumer: You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.
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